During my studies as a Women's Studies minor I have come to a very simple conclusion. In order for equality to truly occur, it must be given to all groups. Thus, I take as much offense when men are stereotyped and their jobs viewed as inconsequential just as much as I do if someone were to insult a woman on the same grounds.
Take for instance, the stories that we have read that pertain to a dead infant. While I admit that I have no actual idea of what losing a child is like, the way that only the mother's ever really seem to be changed by the event irks me. Such as in Shiloh, Norma was the only one to really change. Leroy did not want to change, and brought it up at any chance he seemed to get; such as the new housing developements. Everything seemed to come a head when Leroy had to stay home on disability, but the distance really seemed to happen after the child died.
An interesting take on the same subject is A Temporary Matter. Wherein the man is actually shown to have some feelings after the child was found to be a stillborn. However, these are not depicted as nearly as intense as his wife's. Shoba is the one to pull away, Shoba is the one who doesn't seem to take any step towards reconciliation. Shukumar actually begins to get better: he begins cooking, he gets out of the house, and really tries to make his wife happy. Even at the end when he revealed what the child looked like, I can't say I am mad at him. After all, it's not fair that he should have to carry that weight alone. Spouses are supposed to support each other, and I think that Shukumar was simply making Shoba be a wife again. Even so, he is not nearly as affected by the death as Shoba. I do not believe that this is in the slightest fair. While this story does do a better job of it than others, I could not help but feel sorry of Shukumar and angry at Shoba.
Fathers are not seen as the integrel parent in a childs life. This is an unfortunate stereotype that only destroys, and does not help anyone involved. It hurts the female because child-rearing is thrown directly onto her shoulders, it hurts the male because he cannot have a relationship with his children, and it hurts the children because they do not really have a FATHER, but merely a father. If that makes any sense. What I really want to see, is the story where the father is the potiential parent to be the most heartbroken, while the mother is the clueless one. Let her know what it feels like to be suddenly told: "I want to leave you."
After all, fair is fair.
This is a really interesting point that I think a lot of people pass over. I like Shukumar as well, and he really does get the shaft on sympathy here; most people go and sympathize with the WOMAN who lost a child rather than the COUPLE that lost a child.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. Most often, men's feelings about their children are never explored, it's always the mother. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard women say that men cannot possibly have the same emotional connection to their child or children because he did not carry the child or children for 9 months. Just because men cannot physically birth a child doesn't mean they don't feel love or attachment to their kids, and it's not a fair assumption to think otherwise.
ReplyDeleteI really like the pushback against what the texts are basically making most of us feel. I think the idea of strength and handling death are definitely questioned in the works that we've read.
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